Set to grace three new films this award season (Red, The Tempest, and The Debt), the Oscar-blessed actress—and perennial hottie—waxes wise about gardens, gams, and a wholly undervalued vice (drugstore makeup!)

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
To sit by a clear river on a warm day in early July with the smell of cut grass in the air.

Which living person do you most admire?
Sister Alice Marie Quinn, who runs St. Vincent Meals on Wheels in Los Angeles.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Laziness and procrastination.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Serially telling endless boring jokes and sexism and racism and homophobia (they often go together).

What is your greatest extravagance?
Drugstore makeup.

What is your favorite journey?
The top of any bus going anywhere in London.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Holiness.

On what occasion do you lie?
When I have inadvertently double-booked myself.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
Oh, Lord, where do I begin?

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Lovely,” “darling.”

What is your greatest regret?
Not painting more.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My husband and all the dogs I have ever known.

When and where were you happiest?
The night of my marriage, in Ardersier, Scotland, and digging the vegetable patch in the Forest of Dean.

What is your current state of mind?
Calm, but scared.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My legs or my unmusicality.

What is your favorite occupation?
Probably gardening. Also dressmaking.

What is the quality you most like in a person?
Strength without bullying.

What do you most value in your friends?
Their ability to open a bottle of wine.

Who are your favorite writers?
Joseph Conrad, Barbara Vine, Mark Twain, Joseph Roth, J. M. Barrie, just a few …

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
A very worn sofa.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A businesswoman athlete who can sing.

US critics and audiences find little to love in Helen Mirren’s brothel film

Oscar-winner Dame Helen Mirren’s turn as a brothel madam looks set to go straight to video in Britain after her latest film bombed at the US box office.

According to official ticket sales figures for July, Love Ranch, which was directed by Mirren’s husband Taylor Hackford, took only $137,885 during its first month of release. The film, which opened in just 11 US cinemas on June 30, cost $25 million to make. The film is now highly unlikely to get a release in Britain, according to industry observers.

Set in the 1970s, Love Ranch is based on the real story of Nevada’s first legalised brothel, the infamous Mustang Ranch in Storey County. Mirren stars alongside Goodfellas actor Joe Pesci, who plays her husband. Gina Gershon plays one of the prostitutes working for the couple.

The film’s dire performance will be especially disappointing for Mirren after she went all out to both prepare for the part of madam Grace Bontempo and promote the film. The star of The Queen and Prime Suspect reportedly researched her role by spending a day at a brothel and also posed topless to promote the movie.

Despite this, there was no love lost for Love Ranch from US reviewers. The Washington Post‘s Michael O’Sullivan gave the film just half a star out of five and called it “hackneyed” and “singularly unerotic”. The New York Times reviewer Stephen Holden labeled it a “superficial, cliched picture of brothel life”.

“The Tempest” is blowing into New York.

Julie Taymor’s adaptation of the Shakespeare play — with Helen Mirren playing the island ruler Prospero, who has been renamed Prospera in this retelling — will screen as the Centerpiece Selection of the New York Film Festival, which runs Sept. 24 through Oct. 10.

The movie’s North American premiere is scheduled for Oct. 2 at Alice Tully Hall, the Film Society of Lincoln Center announced Saturday.

The film will have its world premiere at the Venice Film Festival, where it has been selected as closing night film, screening Sept. 11.

“Julie Taymor is one of the boldest, most innovative artists working in American theater and film, and her elegant adaptation of ‘The Tempest’ is a perfect illustration of her unique artistry,” said Richard Pena, selection committee chair and program director, the Film Society of Lincoln Center.

Produced by Miramax, “The Tempest,” which has all the credentials of year-end awards contender, will be released by Disney’s Touchstone label Dec. 10.

Dame Helen Mirren has revealed she was keen to star in Red because it had Bruce Willis and guns in it.

The Oscar-winning actress plays CIA agent Victoria in the action movie, based on the graphic novels by Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner.

“It was not The Queen – the appeal was Bruce Willis, an evening dress and a machine gun,” she told Collider.com.

She added: “Shooting a gun was all I had to learn, really. That was fun to do and I did it.”

The 65-year-old is glad the comic book genre, once solely dominated by teenage boys, is becoming more mainstream.

“I think that it’s really exciting to see this world burgeoning, expanding and changing, as it goes into a real, total art form,” she continued.

“I think we’re at a very exciting point in the whole era, with the whole development of comic books. I’m fascinated to see where it’s going to be in another 20 years.”

Helen Mirren is bored of flashing the flesh.

The sexy 65-year-old — who has previously bared all for movie roles — says she keeps her clothes on in new movie Red, in which she plays a trigger-happy killer.

“There is no skin on show – not any more,” says Helen. “In this movie I wear fur coats and long dresses and shoot guns. I think that’s quite enough!”

Helen, 64, recently joked she’s a “man in disguise” — because she can’t stand romantic comedies and she hates talking about her feelings!

“I don’t really like romantic movies very much and I hate talking about feelings, so I’m definitely a man in disguise,” she told Britain’s Daily Express newspaper.

“I don’t even really like seeing people kiss in movies. This movie is about as romantic as I can handle.”

Julie Taymor’s “The Tempest,” featuring Academy Award winner Helen Mirren as Prospera, will open in New York and Los Angeles Dec. 10 prior to expanding to other cities Dec. 17.

In addition to Mirren, the starry company also features Russell Brand, Alfred Molina, Djimon Hounsou, David Strathairn, Chris Cooper, Alan Cumming, Ben Whishaw, Reeve Carney, Felicity Jones and Tom Conti.

Taymor, who will be represented on Broadway later this season with Spider-Man, Turn off the Dark, penned the screenplay based on the original William Shakespeare classic.

“In her big-screen adaptation of Shakespeare’s mystical thriller ‘The Tempest,’” press notes state, “Academy Award–nominated Julie Taymor (‘Across the Universe,’ ‘Frida,’ ‘Titus’) brings an original dynamic to the story by changing the gender of the sorcerer Prospero into the sorceress Prospera, portrayed by Oscar winner Helen Mirren (‘The Queen’). Prospera’s journey spirals through vengeance to forgiveness as she reigns over a magical island, cares for her young daughter, Miranda, and unleashes her powers against shipwrecked enemies in this exciting, masterly mix of romance, tragicomedy and the supernatural.”